Mom, it's always been about you.

Things I love about my Mom;

1.       She doesn’t spend millions of money just to buy branded bags, but the world knows that she’s more beautiful than yours.

2.       She didn’t call over my dad just to ask “You can buy me this, can’t you?”, but to ask “I think I’m buying this, does it fit my face? Does the price worth the money?”

3.       The way she woke up in the morning before my dad stopped snoring.

4.       The way she sat in the living room all night right after my dad got home afterwork  just to listen to him.

5.       The way she called me from work.

6.       The way she went to sleep right after my dad asked her to.

7.       She doesn’t use her credit card to go to the SPA, but God knows she has the most beautiful skin of all.

8.       She doesn’t go to the salon once a week, but I know she has the most beautiful heart all over the world.

9.       The way she doesn’t came up to me by“What the hell did you do???!” but by asking “Why did you do that?”

10.   The way she took care of her job and dad and me at the same time.

11.   The way she TAKES care of LOTS OF houseworks  while I’m at school.

12.   The way she lets me go at the gate of my house before school.

13.   The way she opens  the door right after I arrive home.

14.   The way she loves to read my writings, though I know most of them bores me even more.

People in Love, People in P(v)ain.

I don’t really mean nor understand.

But we people sometimes waste our times in vain, don’t we?

It’s like A date B. A is a girl anyway.
Isn’t A lucky for having a boyfriend? Having one who could listen to all of her ramblings, being such a tearsbin, and such a good goodmorning-waker.
But A keeps on saying, “I want a handsome boyfriend. A perfect one, then barter him with B.”
Pathetic, isn’t it? Well, A isn’t lucky enough for not being such a humble one.

We, women should feel grateful for being loved. It is wonderful to have someone to share, to fill each other either break our own days with our sweet fights.
But some of us just….. don’t understand.

“Being loved means trying to understand, being grateful in every situation. No matter how bugs bug you in every inch of your wall. No matter how tears break you down into pieces. We only need to understand. But sometimes some of us can’t screen between bad things and understanding phase.”

You can’t keep on understanding either. You SHOULD know the differences between jerks job and involuntaliry mistakes.

We, women can’t always keep on being patient. Patience is such a myth.

I DID keep on waiting, and it’s just such a vain. I wasted most of my time checking on my phone, being online just to see if he was there, and then go back off again. We rarely talked. And it’s been forever since I talked to him.
I’ve been losing my mind and my time for almost 2 years, and it makes no thing. Really I have no end.

I’m not looking for another end this time, I’m making it clear. I should stop being stupid in love.
It’s been such a 'love'. It’s just… something I can’t really explain.

And the main thing is I’m not ready yet for another one. Feels like I have no more love to give. It’s all empty. I mean it, I really mean it.

I used to be broken, but not anymore. I know I should stop blaming myself and now I can’t feel anything.

I’m just trying hard to get the thing I want, and pray to God for showing me what’s best.


I used to hold my phone, scrolling my contact list and stopped at your name. Then decided to text you as well, telling what I’ve been through that day even telling you how much future scared me till college’s coming up.

And now, it’s now all such a shame. I shouldn’t have lost my priority that high. I should’ve tried harder to face it than telling you uselessly.

I’m now telling the world.
I now have my own head up in the air, holding my own heart hard in its space and locking my own mouth from all of its secrets.

At least, I’m trying hard not to fall, for once.

So now here we are...
Things seem like coming down to the ground.
I can't feel anything.

Even when the shuffle is turned on, I could only sing your songs.
Everytime I move my face to those books, your letter is the only thing I could read.

How can I say I'm fine when the only thing I feel is misery?


I now could only wish one thing.
We, as we used to be and as we are, be as best as God planned to.

Because the best I've ever wished for isn't the best you wanted to be, is it?


I need to put you aside, just like for months from now. And get back to my work.



Anyway......
Future's coming!
College and stuff. Yee haa.


And the most important thing is Ramadhan's absolutely coming up in like 2 days!!

COOL.


All I want to say is minal aidin wal faidzin, people.
Hope my fastings will be afdhol :):)

Cheers,
Fika.

What should I call it then?

Love is what makes you smile even when you cry, what makes you even more missing those fights with laugh.

One what makes you forget all the songs making you cry, stories making you dream because you've already had one.

One what makes you fly higher even when you're dumped straight to the ground, and what makes you feel safe even when you're insecure...

Awakening

When I realize that life isn't always about love, or whatever you call it ('it' could be me, and you) I see that there are lies. Lies are in your eyes.
And I finally realize that some things were meant to be unsaid, for better of worse, for God's sake, I had been losing myself over and over again.
And now, I got it. I completely awoken.

Me and the day

You know how the day changes.
In the morning, I could've still waited for you, yet in the night I completely forget your name.

God knows, dumping the one who loves you the most is the most blue thing.
I know how it hurted him listening to me saying your name million times.
How it hurted him waiting for me in time I'm waiting for you to call.
How it hurted him seing me cry in the name of you...

Time can't be rewinded. Mistakes can't be hidden.

I've just realized that I shouldn't have fought for the wrong one, I shouldn't have lost myself for the wrong heart.

"If I love you, I know I should let you go for good."


And now,




I have completely moved on.

Plan

Do you know what? I'm tired.

I'm exhausted for being blamed and rained with disappointment showed in front of my face.

Just forget about it.
I have something to write.
A really really unimportant things.

So, read it or leave it.




Lets start. These are some points I want to do to my child(or children) when I have ones one time.

1. I won't spoil them, but then blame them for being spoiled.
2. I'll use no harsh action.
3. I choose to make them better cry hard than seeing their hatred showed in their eyes for me without having any other plans to change.
4. I use no much word. I take strict actions.
5. I'll let them choose everything they want, as long as I could give them the facilities.
6. I'll lead them to the straight way.
7. I'll make them see this beautiful way of living with their own eyes, not by telling them the way I see.
8. I'll tell them not to be better, but to be the best of them.
9. Harsh and cruel, I'll tell them that those are the things they will face in the open world.
10. I'll make them tell everything they've been through in their days. Each of them.
11. I'll make them love me, not only need me.
12. I'll be the best role model they've ever had, the best they could tell their friends in fact they have no other one.
13. I'll tell them not to fall in love easily. Or in fact they have, I'll tell them to get up and not to fight for the wrong ones.
14. I'll teach them to love each other.
15. I want them not to be me. But to be the best they could be, in fact I've lost so many 'good' things in my world.

Idk what I wrote anyway :p